Hardship
by Incognito Albatross
Summary: It was the utter ruin of the world. One-shot. (A very random fic I wrote for April Fools).


_The town lay in ruins, reduced to ash, crumbling in the wind. Shreds of fabric and wood were all that remained of what once was a thriving civilization. Fire burned on anything that was not ash, shooting up embers into the starless black sky._

_Around the town, the land was in the process of being destroyed. Forests were on fire, mountains were caving in, caves were collapsing under the force of earthquakes, avalanches, and mudslides, while the sea was somehow exploding and imploding at the same time. And the sky had become blackened with smoke and ash._

_From far away, the desparate cries of dying Pokemon sounded out._

_It was the utter ruin of the world._

"And that," Chatot finished with a flourish, "is what will happen if Guildmater Wigglytuff doesn't get his Perfect Apple."

The guild's two newest recruits, Piplup and Chimchar, gave Chatot a curious look. Finally, Chimchar spoke. "Um... Is that really going to happen? Like, with all of the explosions and stuff? And why did you tell us in narrative format?"

"Yes, that is going to happen exactly as I told you, except worse. And I told you that in narrative format in order to momentarily trick people into thinking that this was a serious story and not just some random thing that Incognito Albatross cooked up as an April Fool's joke," Chatot said.

Piplup nodded. "Seems pretty legit."

"Now, where was I?" Chatot wondered aloud.

"We were at the part where you were unfairly scolding us for not bringing back Perfect Apples after we told you that Team Skull took them all," said Chimchar.

"Oh, right." Chatot cleared his throat. "YOU SLACKERS! DON'T YOU REMEMBER WIGGLYTUFF'S RULE ABOUT NOT SHIRKING WORK? HOW DARE YOU HAVE A PERFECTLY REASONABLE EXPLANATION FOR NOT BRINGING BACK AN ITEM SO IMPORTANT THAT IT IS CAPITALIZED! DESPITE THEM BEING COMPLETELY RANDOM STRANGERS, I TRUST TEAM SKULL! BUT NOT YOU, YOU IDIOTIC TEAM - what's your team called again?"

"Team Pokepals," Piplup replied.

"Yep! Exploration Team Team Pokepals!" Chimchar agreed. Piplup facewinged.

"Okay, good," Chatot said, then continued his rant. "YOU IDIOTIC TEAM TEAM POKEPALS! YOU WILL BE PUNISHED FOR YOUR MISDEEDS! YOUR NINETY PERCENT TAX HAS BEEN UPPED TO ONE HUNDRED NINETY PERCENT!"

"Um, how are we supposed to pay one hundred ninety percent of our earnings?" asked Piplup.

"BY GIVING ME ALL OF YOUR MONEY, YOUR FIRSTBORN CHILD, AND A MEDIUM SIZED SHRUB THAT YOU MUST PROCURE FROM A SHRUBBER!" Chatot screeched.

"Yo! Are you dawgs looking for a Perfect Apple? Cause I got you dat bling, yo!"

Chatot, Chimchar, and Piplup whirled around to find Zubat, Koffing, and Skuntank, all strinking highly exaggerated poses.

"What up, dawgs? Team Skull is in the house! And we nabbed ourselves them Perfect Apples too!" Koffing exclaimed.

"Yeah! Team Skull, represent!" Zubat cried.

Skuntank glared at his two teammates. "Shut up."

"Um..." Piplup stammered, looking at Skuntank, dumbfounded.

"That's right!" Skuntank crooned. "The hated boss who beats you down, and beats you down, and never lets up... Yeah. Big bad Skuntank is here!"

"I think you guys are thinking of the wrong team," Chimchar said.

Skuntank got right up in his face, narrowing one eye. "Do you wanna mess with me? Do you wanna see what destruction looks like? Here it is in Pokemon form—it's your boy Skuntank!"

"We're all still kind of in shock from Gen Seven," Zubat whispered. "Skuntank took it particularly hard." He handed Chatot a Perfect Apple (even though he didn't have any hands). "Here's your Perfect Apple, yo!"

"Thanks!" said Chatot, who flew off to give the Perfect Apple to Wigglytuff. "Don't worry, we'll repay you for saving our world! Make any demand, and we'll give you it. It's not like anyone else will ever save the world or anything. Especially not, I don't know, Team Team Pokepals. It's not like they're going to stop time from breaking down. They're utterly useless!"

And that was how Team Skull, with the guild's help, managed to sue the Alolan Team Skull for copyright infringement.

A few days later, Chimchar asked Piplup, "Who would win in a fight - Team Skull or Team Skull?"

"Definitely Team Skull," Piplup replied.


End file.
